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Realizing that they have been in a relationship with a psychopath or narcissist, most people go looking for information to help make sense of what has happened to them. They read, watch videos and talk to others about their experiences. They learn the theory, they realize they have been taken advantage of and they recognize that others stories are very similar to their own.
What is missing is how to put all this information to practical use. They can’t yet get the manipulator out of their heads, and the manipulator can still push their buttons very easily and get them emotionally upset and doing things they don’t want to do.
This book is for those of you in this situation, those who are still struggling with the effects of being, or of having been, in a relationship with a psychopath or narcissist.
Each tip covers a particular aspect of the relationship with a manipulator. I explain the situation, what tactics are being used against you, what the typical responses of the victim are and why. If relevant I explain about the attitudes and motivations of the psychopath or narcissist. Then I offer specific suggestions about what you can do (or not do!) in the situation.
It’s very important to understand the dynamics of the various situations in relationships with these types. Much of the time, the unfortunate victim does not realize what is being done to them and they are unaware of the influence that the manipulator is exerting on them.
Having this knowledge is important for several reasons. It reduces the power the manipulator has when you can recognize the influence technique being used against you; then you have more options about how to respond.
It also explains why the change in behavior suggested is actually useful, how it fits into the overall scheme of things. And knowing why you need to act differently makes it easier to change what you have been doing. You are not just doing something because someone tells you to (You have done enough of that already!) but rather you are deliberately creating a way out of the messy situation you have been dragged into.
Speaking of getting you out of the situation, although I am offering tips for dealing with psychopaths and narcissists, I do not suggest that you use these tips as a way to 'manage' a manipulator. Nor do I suggest that you use them as a way to cope so that you can stay in the relationship.
I work on the basis that, with very few exceptions, a person in a relationship with a manipulator loses. The abuse, bad treatment and humiliation that one suffers at the hands of psychopaths and narcissists is not worth whatever benefits that may be considered to be present. In other words, whatever benefit you think may be there for you comes at an excessively high price.
These tips are best used as you are working your way out of the relationship and they will help you understand and make sense of what has been done to you. That's why I write about how and why the techniques work. I believe that the more you understand about the nature of mind control, the better. Once you understand what is going on, the easier it is for you to make the decision to get away and stay away from these types.
Some of the tips are suggestions for how to act in certain situations; some tips are about how a change in thinking or a change in belief is necessary and some are organized around things that it is useful for you to stop doing. Either way, these tips have been useful for many already and I believe they will also save you time, money, effort and heartache!